The woman teaching Singaporeans how to have sex

The woman teaching Singaporeans how to have sex

The birds do it, the bees do it, but are Singaporeans doing it? Clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Lee weighs in on sex in Singapore
Yes, she can help make sure your toes curl with pleasure.

Singaporeans aren’t known to be the most sexual of beings, which makes clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Lee’s job both an uphill struggle and a shoo-in.

A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, Lee has been running her Eros Coaching practice (www.eroscoaching.com) since 2009, providing sexuality and intimacy coaching, and sexual education workshops for individuals and couples.

“I was also personally curious about learning more about sex because I did not receive any sex education when I was young,” says Lee.

“I saw that there was a sore lack of trained sex educators in Singapore. Surely there was more to understanding sex and sexuality than protecting against sexually transmitted infections, making babies and getting your period.”

Lee, who introduces herself as a clinical sexologist at cocktail parties, is aware that her occupation is an unusual one.

“The best thing about my job is seeing the glimmer of hope on the faces of clients, reignite the sparkle of light in their eyes and of course, helping them overcome their sexual difficulties and consequently achieve a more fulfilling life.”

Here she weighs in on the sexual nature of Singapore.

CNNGo: Do Singaporeans want to talk about sex?

Dr Martha Lee The doctor is in the house, time to get busy between the sheets. Dr. Martha Lee: There is an assumption that Singaporeans do not want to talk about sex or sexuality, either because they are too shy, conservative, stubborn, or the like.

In reality, they want to, but do not know where or how they can get their learning. They are not bad communicators; they are just not used to talking about anything related to sex or sexuality.

Once that initial hesitation is broken, and they feel “safe” speaking with somebody who is trained and will not judge them for their questions, thoughts, or beliefs, it is almost as if a light goes on within them, and they absorb everything like a sponge.

CNNGo: Why do you think Singapore has such a low fertility rate?

Lee: Singaporeans don’t want babies, are not trying for babies, or cannot have babies.

CNNGo: In your professional opinion, do Singaporeans need to have more sex?

Lee: Whether Singapore needs to have more sex, wants to but cannot or should have more sex are completely separate matters.

Statistically, yes, Singaporeans are having less sex than our Asian counterparts.

CNNGo: Any tips for couples who need coaxing to get busy between the sheets?

Lee: Sometimes after years of marriage, people get bored with sex -- they’re doing the same thing over and over and it’s not as much fun as it used to be.

Learning ways to make some changes that make it more interesting and fulfilling for both partners can make a huge difference in couples’ sex lives.

Maintaining a passionate sex life doesn’t come naturally to most people, so that’s another reason why people seek help.

CNNGo: Do you have any golden rules when it comes to sex?

Lee: Communicate and experiment. You don’t know if you don’t ask.

Ask, “how is this for you?” “How would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest)?” “Would you like me to continue?”

Singaporeans are having less sex than our Asian counterparts

Remember, practice really makes sex better. I would also encourage you to find out the availability of sexual techniques classes for couples.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to seek help. You don’t have to do it alone.

CNNGo: Eros Coaching runs some interesting classes, what classes have been the most popular?

Lee: My most popular workshop is Sizzling Strokes (which I have conducted 67 times as of Aug 2011), followed by Funtastic Fellatio (38 times).

Both are for ladies only.

CNNGo: Interesting … what other classes will you be conducting in the coming months?

Lee: I will be introducing a kissing workshop “Kissing Fishes” from September, and a sexual position workshop “More than Missionary” together with Uma (a sexuality educator based in Australia) in October. I will be bringing in Vanessa Chow based in Hong Kong for Mandarin sexual education events early September.

CNNGo: Lastly, sex is ...

Lee: … life force energy.

To me, sexual well-being is part of the overall well-being of a person. Most of us would agree we want to be loved and to express our love.

Sex can be extremely important to one’s sense of happiness.

Dr. Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com

In between sunning herself in the Caribbean, Bali and other exotic locales, Charlene Fang keeps her feet (and fingers) grounded as the managing editor of inSing.com. She blames her wanderlust on the years spent working as the editor of CNNGo Singapore and Time Out Singapore. Her ramblings have also been published by the likes of Travel+Leisure, Condé Nast Traveler, Wallpaper*, ELLE and The Australian.

Read more about Charlene Fang
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