40 really dumb things to do in Mumbai

40 really dumb things to do in Mumbai

Last week we ran a list of 50 things that make Mumbai great, blogger Satish Vijaykumar counters with an amusing list of what NOT to do
things NOT to do in Mumbai
Number 4 really dumb thing to do in Mumbai: Call a cop 'Pandu', Mumbai slang for a lower-rank policeman.

This is the perfect example of how a little inspiration and a lot of connectedness can create a wonderful chain of events.

CNNGo's Marketing Manager Mun Yin Liu connected me to @bombaylives, a follower of @CNNGo on Twitter.

Satish Vijaykumar who blogs at Bombaylives.com caught our feature The World's Greatest Cities: 50 reasons why Mumbai is No 1 complied by fellow Mumbai bloggers Brown Paper Bag, and immediately linked us to his amusing compilation on 84 things NOT to do in Mumbai.

With Satish's permission, here are our selection of 40 from his 84. If you want the whole lot, head to Bombaylives.com -- thanks Satish! Don't forget to attack the comments box below this article to give us your two pence worth.

40 really dumb things to do in Mumbai

  1. Get into a Virar train if you are going to Borivali
  2. Buy 100 buck windcheaters from Churchgate, they are all the ones recycled by the Bhandiwalis
  3. Eat Bhel at Kailash Parbat
  4. Call a cop ‘Pandu’
  5. Argue with a Koli Fisherwoman
  6. Get a 11 rupee massage at Girgaum Chowpatty
  7. Bet against India in a game, Australia is the safest option
  8. Buy enhancement medicines from Van – Travelling Hakims who are the desi versions of the flying doctors
  9. Call up 26407383 Beanbags thinking it’s an escort service
  10. Avoid asking the Sandwich wallah on Dalal Street for market tips
  11. Stand in front of Amitabh/Shah Rukh/Salmaan’s house -- you look stupid and it's a waste of time
  12. Go to work when a Shiv Sena bandh is on
  13. Visit sleazy video parlours and get caught in a raid
  14. Get excited and start jumping when someone offers you Paanch ka Dollar, it’s just a tiny 5 rupee coin
  15. Go for a Shiv Sena rally in hope for a Free Vada Pav and Shiv Sena Banian
  16. Call a Maharastrian guy Bhaiya, no matter how respectful you meant it
  17. While commuting, don’t tease people defecating near the tracks, they throw stones back at the train
  18. Hang outside the train, poles might hit you before the crowds will
  19. Tease a Hijra
  20. Bribe a porter to grab a seat in V.T., chances are he might run off with your money
  21. Get conned at Fountain from guys selling cheap mobiles. They mesmerize and wrap soap bars
  22. Pronounce Sandhurst correctly, Sandas Rd makes more sense
  23. Donate money to the Crying Cab driver. He has conned thousands
  24. Invite Brass Polishwalas into your house
  25. Assume that booksellers in Fountain are dumb, they know their Pulitzers and Man Booker winners more than us
  26. Give 100 bucks to a conductor and expect him to give you change, he will sadistically torment you till the last stop
  27. Have lassi outside Dadar Station (west), they add Tissue Paper while preparing it
  28. Throw stones at monkeys in Borivali National Park
  29. Loiter around in Shivaji Park on Dec 6th
  30. Ask for a bargain at the Maharastrian Cloth store in Dadar
  31. Go for midnight mass at Mahim church thinking you can pick up girls
  32. Buy fire crackers from Essabhai, Crawford Market and travel in train
  33. Go to Mondegar and ask for a Jain Pav Bhaji
  34. Look straight and walk, We have open manholes
  35. Wear Brown Khakis shirts, People will mistake you for BMC staff
  36. Ask for Warranty & Guarantee from the Mallu Electronic stalls in Fountain area
  37. Search for the Kala Ghoda in Kala Ghoda
  38. Ask why statues in Mumbai have one finger pointed like umpires
  39. Apply Rai ka Tel on your head and travel by public transport
  40. Go to Haji Ali during high tides
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