The 5 people you meet in hell/an overnight train

The 5 people you meet in hell/an overnight train

The budget traveller stereotype is one train that's never late

Every time we board a sleeper car for some place eight to 12 hours away, we're reminded by our bunkmates why we swore we'd never do it again. Thankfully, the average sleeper holds only four passengers. So, with luck, you shouldn't have to deal with more than three of these budget traveller stereotypes -- illustrated below by way of adorable babies -- at a time. Unless you're one of them.

Baby slob

5. Snacksby Gymlocker

He dines on only the most pungent, debris-yielding, noisily-packaged foodstuffs for the entirety of any journey. His bunk is no less a sleeping quarters than an ogre's lair of gnashed pork byproducts and discarded nut husks.

Baby cell phone

4. Toni Blare

Mobile minutes are no object for this human switchboard. Through fake snoring, conductor announcements and death threats, her mouth chugs on like a locomotive, most likely on a phone dangled by something pink and/or bejeweled.

Baby climbing out of crib

3. Fidget McBittybladder

 

He can't remain still for more than 90 seconds before having to clamber back down from his bunk for a 29th trip to the washroom, smoking area or last remaining swatch of untrammeled train carpet.

Baby foot mouth

2. Clip Jong-il

 

He's got an inexhaustible supply of uncut toe- and fingernails, and the world is his day spa. You know he's aboard before you even round the corner, the distinctive snap of his clippers scattering shards of thick, brittle keratin all about the cabin.

Baby traveller

1. Carmen Sandiego

 

She's visited every lousy corner of planet earth, and do you know why you know this? Because she's told you and anyone else in earshot. Repeatedly. In agonizing, sanctimonious detail. For the entire ride.

Long before embarking on a life of leisure and recreational crime fighting, Jordan devoted himself to the written, spoken and, during the occasional shower, harmonized word. He is currently based in the U.S. following stints in Hong Kong and Florida, which he refuses to recognize as U.S. territory.

Read more about Jordan Burchette