25 hilarious travel tweets

25 hilarious travel tweets

Tweeters on the go capture the hilarity of travel in 140 characters or less
funniest tweets

Getting up at 4am to fly to Ireland and visit a Guinness factory. Because remembering vacations is lame, that's why. —@katefeetie

 

Woman across from me at the airport is breastfeeding. To show support, I took my shirt off and made strong eye contact. —@patrickborelli

 

Thanks TSA, I haven't been touched like that since prom night. —@meaghano

 

During boarding, American is playing videos of salmon swimming upstream to spawn and die. This is not the travel metaphor I hoped for. —@nick

 

Now boarding Delta's 8:55 Shrieking Infant Express with continuing service to Anger, Resentment & Do-It-Yourself Hysterectomies. —@gordonshumway

 

TSA guy is singing 12 Days of Christmas, unaware that passengers, most of whom have been up since 5am, want to pelt him with our 3oz bottles —@hollyburns

 

Will someone buy me the backyard Bigfoot Yeti sculpture from the Skymall? —@rainnwilson

 

Dear 6B, I'll stop fantasizing about petting your furry chubaka boots if you stop throwing all your mag subscription tear outs on the floor —@heather_poole (a real-life flight attendant!)

 

Guy next to me on the plane woke up and is wiping the drool off his shirt. Now may be a good time to tell him I drooled all over his shirt. —@rafitorres

 

Overheard on Greyhound, mother to crying toddler: “Why are you crying? You want your Nintendo? You want some fries?” Double sigh. —@evaholland

 

Baggage carousel sounds a lot more fun than it really is —@ingridmusic

 

A komodo dragon just ate my passport —@diplo

 

Travel tip: When your hotel provides guests with complimentary ear plugs, as mine does in Warsaw, it is NOT a good sign. @EWeiner

 

I'm playing musical beds in this hostel. Not in the slutty way -- in the annoying way where they keep double booking beds and moving me. —@nicoleisbetter

 

Whenever I stay in a crap hotel, I like to put lube in my hair & fan $1 bills on the dresser so the cleaning lady feels good about her job. —@BoobsRadley

 

2 Canadians arguing over found quarter. Is this yours? No, finders keepers. No, you take. You sure? This is going to be a pleasant trip. —@mikebarish

 

Travel Tip #322: Getting stoned in the Middle East is a lot different than getting stoned in Amsterdam. —@bobbyhundreds

 

London: "Be careful! The cars come from the other way!" I just want to say, "People. I've come from Italy. The cars come from EVERYWHERE." —@jamievaron

 

Being incarcerated at Alcatraz must have been an absolute nightmare. I keep losing my 3G signal. —@sween

 

I'M ON A GOAT. —@DieLaughing

 

English translation of animal crackers at a Hong Kong supermarket: “Biscuit-shaped animals.” Something got lost in translation. —@dianakuan

 

Another hard-won travel tip: If you are wearing black pants, do not, repeat, do not let a donkey rub its itchy forehead on your thigh. —@susanorlean

 

Woke up in Walla Walla. Not sure how that happened. Must think. Must think. —@TomBodett

 

Driving in a radio-only rental car reveals an ineplixable and embarrassing knowledge of Celine Dion songs. —@CcSteff

 

I'm two time zones away from home, which means I'm petrified of turning on the TV and accidentally seeing Leno. —@badbanana

 

Check out even more hilarious travel tweets! Click here to read 30 hilarious travel tweets.
Michelle Woo is a journalist and blogger, whose work has appeared in USA Today, The Arizona Republic, Detroit Free Press, Orange County Register and on CNN.com.
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